African Female Voices Lifestyle

Domestic violence is a serious issue affecting millions of individuals, and having a supportive friend can make a significant difference in the life of someone experiencing abuse. If you’re a woman looking to support a friend who is a victim of domestic violence, here are some key strategies to provide meaningful help and encouragement.

Understanding what domestic violence is and its various forms is an essential first step in providing support. Domestic violence can include physical, emotional, psychological, and financial abuse. Familiarizing yourself with the signs of abuse will help you recognize the situation your friend may be facing and prepare you to offer informed support.

Let your friend know that you are there for her, providing a non-judgmental and safe environment to talk. Encourage her to share her feelings and experiences, and listen actively. Sometimes, just being there to listen can provide immense psychological relief. Avoid pressing for details if she's not ready to share, but reassure her that you’re available whenever she feels comfortable talking.

Victims of domestic violence often feel isolated and ashamed. Assure your friend that she is not alone and that she is worthy of support and love. Validate her feelings and experiences by expressing that it’s okay for her to feel scared, confused, or angry. Remind her that the abuse is not her fault and that she deserves to be treated with respect.

Knowing that your friend may feel unsafe is essential. Work together to develop a safety plan that suits her needs. A safety plan can include creating a list of emergency contacts, identifying a safe place to go, and preparing a bag with essential items (documents, money, clothing) in case she needs to leave quickly. It’s crucial to respect her choices and to empower her in this process.

Encourage your friend to seek help from professionals. This may include counseling services, support groups, or legal assistance. Offer to help her look for local resources, such as domestic violence shelters, hotlines, and therapists trained in trauma support. Sometimes, the process of seeking help can feel overwhelming, and your support can make a difference.

Leaving an abusive relationship is often a complex and lengthy process. Your friend may choose to stay in the relationship for various reasons, including fear, emotional attachment, financial dependency, or concern for children. Be patient with her decisions, offering your understanding and support without judgment. Avoid pushing her to leave, as this can lead to feelings of guilt or shame.

Encourage her to reach out to other friends or family members who can offer support as well. Help her to build a network of trusted individuals who can check in on her and offer assistance. However, be mindful of privacy and safety—discuss who she feels comfortable sharing her situation with.

Supporting a friend through such a difficult situation can take a toll on your emotional well-being. Make sure to prioritize self-care and seek support for yourself, if needed. Talk to someone you trust about your feelings, and consider setting boundaries if the situation becomes overwhelming.

Continue to check in with your friend, even if she seems to withdraw or stop reaching out. Regular contact can remind her that she is not alone and that you care. Send a text, make a call, or invite her for a walk, ensuring she knows you are there when she needs you.

Acknowledge and celebrate any steps your friend takes towards healing or reclaiming her independence. Recognizing her strength and resilience can empower her and remind her that she has support on her journey.

Supporting a friend who is a victim of domestic violence requires compassion, empathy, and understanding. By educating yourself, creating a safe space, and encouraging professional help, you can be an invaluable ally in her journey toward healing and empowerment. Remember, your support can be a lifeline that helps her find the strength to reclaim her life. It is essential to approach this sensitive subject with care and respect, prioritizing her autonomy and choices throughout the process.

Friendships hold a special place for Black women, providing them with a haven to escape the negative impact of discrimination. In these safe spaces, Black women purposefully embrace and celebrate each other's unique qualities that society often overlooks or undervalues, such as assertiveness.

In these supportive relationships, Black women find understanding and validation, allowing them time to explore their true selves and try new things confidently. Being "seen" in a positive light fosters personal growth and empowers them to challenge societal expectations.

Not only do these friendships reduce social isolation, but they also enhance overall well-being and a sense of belonging. Studies consistently show that friendships are crucial throughout the various stages of life. They mirror our best qualities, which is especially vital for Black women navigating their identity within a society that sometimes perpetuates negative stereotypes.

Black women are so much more than these harmful stereotypes. Recent research highlights that through their friendships, Black women create both physically and psychologically safe spaces within these spaces; they navigate life's challenges Black women make within these spaces, find joy, and experience a sense of freedom.

Friendship and toxicity 

Even in these "safe spaces," we can often encounter the humanness or lack therefor in full display when engaging with friends. A friendship can start off as fulfilling and spiral down to toxic overtime. A toxic friendship often feels exhausting, frustrating, and disappointing. It may seem as if the entire dynamic is one-sided. It may also seem like whatever you give just isn't good enough. Toxic friends may be pessimistic, hurtful, or manipulative within the relationship. At the same time, they may not be aware of their behavior, adding further complications. Sometimes those toxic friends are ourselves. Against this backdrop, it has become imperative to hold up the mirror and see how we are negatively contributing to friendships instead of pointing fingers at the other person.

Are you a toxic friend?

 First, let's debunk the myth that all black women are "toxic" friends. That's just ridiculous! We come in a beautiful spectrum of personalities, quirks, and character traits. We're not here to pin a negative label on anyone but rather to playfully reflect on some tendencies we all might display from time to time. Remember, nobody's perfect, and friendship can be a chaotic and entertaining rollercoaster ride! 

1. The "Straight Shooter" Sister: Unfiltered Honesty or Verbal Dynamite?

We all have that friend who tells it like it is, with absolutely no filter. While it's great to have someone who keeps it real, sometimes their brutal honesty can make you question whether they have a Ph.D. in sassiness. They'll tell you if your outfit isn't flattering or if your cooking needs improvement, all in the name of love. So, black queens, if your friends are handing out truths like Santa does presents, you may want to embrace their honesty while wearing thick emotional armor.

2. The "Queen Bee" of the Squad: Natural Born Leaders or Just a Little Too Bossy?

We've all encountered that friend who effortlessly takes charge and becomes the self-appointed decision-maker of the group. They organize outings, choose the restaurants, and control the playlist. While their leadership skills are impressive, sometimes their "my-way-or-the-highway" approach can leave you wondering if they have secret dictator aspirations. Just remember, behind every great commander, there's a trusty and patient sidekick. And who knows, maybe the Queen Bee Theyants to save everyone from experiencing terrible music choices!

3. The Social Media Maven: Selfie Snapper or Captivating Content Creator?

Ah, the friend who always has her camera ready for the perfect selfie Rememberdocuments every trendy outing with well-curated hashtags. Are they just living their best "influencer" life or secretly auditioning for the role of Kardashian sister? While they may be obsessed with capturing moments for all eternity, it's important to remind yourself that they're creating memories and sharing beautiful experiences with their social media followers. So, strike a pose and embrace the paparazzi-like attention!

4. The "Call Me… Maybe?" Friend: Are You Always Available or Just Really Clingy?

We all know someone who seemingly has their phone surgically attached to their hand. They're always ready to respond to your messages in record time, making you feel like the queen of instant gratification. But there's a fine line between being available and being the friend who constantly sends "Did you get my message?" texts within minutes. While it's great to be there for your friends, try not to suffocate them like a clingy puppy who desperately needs a belly rub. Give them a chance to breathe!

5. The "Life Coach" Pal: Supportive or Overwhelming?

Do you find yourself giving unsolicited advice on every topic under the sun? While your intentions may be good, there's a slight possibility that your friends might feel like they're trapped in a never-ending personal development seminar. Remember, being supportive doesn't always require whipping out your life coaching manual. Sometimes, all they need is a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, and maybe a funny GIF to lighten the mood. So, take a humorous step back and let them find their own way.

6. The "Drama Queen" BFF: Passionate Storyteller or Exhausting Monopolizer?

We all love a good juicy story right? But if you find yourself consistently at the center of whirlwind dramas or monopolizing conversations with all your wild tales, it might be time to evaluate your storytelling habits. Are you captivating the room with wit and humor, or are your friends secretly searching for an emergency escape route while you recount your daily escapades? Balance is key.   Practice the ancient art of both talking and listening, and let everyone have their time in the spotlight 

7. The "Ghost Whisperer" Mate: Elusive or Just Terrible at Texting Back?

 Ah, the dreaded "seen message" with no response. If you're one of those friends who unintentionally makes others question the existence of telecommunication, it's time to address the ghostly tendencies. While it's okay to take some time for yourself, periodically reappear from that mysterious abyss to assure your friends that you're still alive and kicking. Remember, friendships are built on communication, even if it means replying with an assortment of random emojis just to let them know you're there! 

 Remember, ladies, friendship is a complex dance of personalities, opinions, and occasional misunderstandings. We're all guilty of having our quirks, which make friendships vibrant. Instead of worrying if you're the "toxic" friend, focus on creating a support system of loving, understanding, and forgiving friends.  Embrace your unique self, learn from each other, and continue building those meaningful connections with your sisters. After all, life is too short. 

Legumes are a good source of protein substitutes for eggs, fish or cheese. You can make burger patties, wraps or tofu with different types of legumes such as lentils, chickpeas to name a few. You can use canned/cooked dried legumes to make hearty stews, vegetable salads or even stir fry.

Here’s a quick easy 30min  coconut chickpea curry.

Ingredients:

1 Onion

2 Garlic cloves

1 tsp ground cumin

1 tsp dried coriander 

1 tsp paprika 

1 tsp red chilli flakes or fresh red chilli (optional)

1 tbsp tomato paste

1 chopped tomato

1 tsp sugar 

Coconut cream

400g chickpea can 

Salt and pepper 

Directions :

Dice onion and sauté until soft and starts to brown about 5min. Add minced garlic cloves, ground cumin, coriander, paprika and red chilli flakes. Sauté another 30 seconds before adding 1tbsp of tomato paste. Mix well while heating for another minute. Add chopped tomato and tsp of sugar, simmer for about 5min. Stir in can of chickpea with the chickpea water and simmer for 10-15min or until the water has reduced. Then add your coconut cream gradually. Add salt and pepper for taste.

NB TIP: Make sure to put your coconut cream can in the fridge overnight so that the water will split with the cream. Just scoop out the cream on top and avoid scooping the water. 

Can be enjoyed with bulged wheat or roasted vegetables

 Discovering your signature scent to suit your age, personality and mood for the day can be a challenging task. With a plethora of options in the market, it can be difficult to establish whether you are a warm, woody, oriental or fresh kind of woman. A balancing act between finding 

something that will represent your  personality without breaking the bank or giving you migraines, will have you wondering why should smelling good be such a daunting task.  Thankfully, African Female Voices has made your signature perfume selection more bearable. Here is our top 10 fragrance list for women.

On many occasions, people promote the idea of independence and loneliness to avoid being disappointed by someone. We have friends that we engage at arm’s length, and compartmentalize friendships by either just work friends, family friends, schoolmates, or even social media buddies. 

These are friendships that form because of the nature of our surroundings. With this dynamic the relationship may be mutually beneficial, a work friend can be your friend during the duration of your stay at a company but once you stop working there, the friendship unfortunately ends.

Sometimes, one is blessed with the “real ones.” This type of friendship is ideal and occurs when both parties feel appreciated and acknowledged for the traits and virtues they possess. Such friendships intend to be there for each other while learning from each other. These friendships may get better with time, but it is this kind of friendship that hurts us to the core when it ends. 

Some might argue that women tend to value friendship more than their male counterparts, because friendships are our lifeline, and we all soak up the love in these sisterhood bonds. They are intimate, and a safe space for us to be vulnerable in a world where women must work twice as hard. These types of friendships allow us to say, “even if all fails, at least I have someone to pull me back up.” They provide you with a different form of emotional support.

In general, break-ups are painful and unbearable but losing a friendship that felt like a sisterhood is more devastating because you are not just losing a friend, but you mourn a different type of loss. It feels like a part of you is gone because friends to us are family, and friends are soulmates. 

The breakup feels like you are in a white room that has infinite walls and no matter how loudly you scream your voice is like a drop in the ocean. Your mind cannot fathom how such a significant friendship can end at the speed of light. You start questioning yourself about what you did wrong and what you could have done better because the reality is, that friendship filled you up. 

Friendships do not end because of one single thing, there is always a build-up to it. Sometimes it can be basic building blocks like communication, loyalty, and intention. You find yourself in a situation where what once was is no more. But the reality of it is that if something does not serve you then you must let it go even if it hurts. 

To the friendships we lost, we continue to root for these women from afar and still believe in the richness of sisterhood. 

  Working a nine-to-five and meeting the demands of “side hustle culture” whilst trying to curate a social life can be a challenge for any black woman who is also trying to date. You would wish prince charming can drop right at your place during a candle lit self-care session and sweep you of your feet without having to make time for a “meet and greet”. Workplace demands under the guise of “flexible working hours” have left little to no time to engage with and meet potential life partners. Knocking off to beat the rush hour traffic, join your Pilates class, and come back home to attend to your side hustle or pursue your postgrad studies is a reality young professionals face, making chances for any romantic relationship non-existent. It is against this backdrop that you might just find yourself considering giving Thabo from I.T who you accidentally sent a wink emoji to after he reset your password, or Aden from the strategy team whose scent was left on your winter coat during a casual hug at the canteen, a dating opportunity. You might even find yourself having swiped right on Tinder only to realize that maybe your boss looks way different in his hiking gear.

Office romance is nothing new within the corporate space. Research shows that office romance dates back to as early as the 1800s, when white collar work was just emerging. According to Amie Gordon, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, dating someone you work with tends to be inevitable. This is because of the time spent at work and having close proximity with your colleagues. Of all the factors we know contribute to romance, intimacy and familiarity are right at the top. Furthermore, coffee chats and office desk conversations may end up in having open, vulnerable conversations that may lead to exploring a romantic relationship. 

Affairs vs potential long-term relationships

A distinction needs to be made between budding relationships that could potentially be long term vs flings and extra- marital affairs or an affair with someone in a relationship. In regular office relationships, the threat of exposure may impact work dynamics, but in extra-marital affairs, the impact is wider, disintegrating families and causing a lot more damage in the workplace. It is therefore pivotal to make this distinction- one is a potential breeding ground for a healthy-long term relationship and the other is a complete no-go. 

Supervisor-subordinate relationships

In most workplaces, supervisor and subordinate romantic relationships are forbidden for obvious reasons such as favoritism and potential conflict of interest. However, these type of relationships are more common in the workplace than same level or coworker relationships. According to Society for Human Resource Management, almost 40% of those who had an affair at work, was with the company's owners or executives. 

What does the company policy say?

Most companies prohibit employees from dating coworkers, vendors, customers, or suppliers. Some require specific disclosures to guard against potential issues such as harassment or favoritism, divulgence of confidential company information, gossip, and other workplace disruptions. Violating work rules to pursue a romantic relationship with a coworker may lead to more damage than good. In a study by Society for Human Resource Management, it was revealed that 82% of workers and did not report their office romance to their employer. Employees may choose not to reveal any details concerning their romantic relationships out of fear. However, what happens when you are ready to take the relationship to the next level without risking your career? Here are some useful tips to navigating the fragile ground of office romance

1. Keep the relationship professional while at work to avoid distracting colleagues or giving the impression of favoritism.

2. Establish clear boundaries with your partner to ensure that the relationship does not interfere with work goals or professional responsibilities.

3. Be sensitive to the potential impact on team dynamics, communication and project goals.

4. Consider any company policies regarding office romance that may exist, and if you’re not sure, consult with HR or a supervisor to gain clarity.

5. Avoid public display of affection, provocative behaviour or anything that could make others feel uncomfortable.

6. Be open and honest with your colleagues and supervisors, if appropriate.

7. Remember that romance is a two-way street, communication is key to a successful relationship.

What happens if you split up?

Although no-one plans for a break up, romantic relationships which started at the office bare greater consequences in the case of a break up. In an out-of-office relationship, your productivity may decline and you may speak to a therapist if you wish. However, when breaking up with someone you see every day at the office or have to collaborate with on a project, it may tend to be more difficult to navigate. Having disclosed the relationship to fellow colleagues and superiors will require you to get back to them with an update. Carrying the shame for a while when you enter the office over a failed relationship, as well as dissolving the "love contract" HR required you to sign can affect your confidence. Nonetheless, it is important to try to talk about what would happen down the road should things not work out.

Remember, if a relationship with a colleague is worth pursuing, it’s important to take things slowly, and consider the long-term impact on both your professional and personal lives.